So, it's been about a year since I left LDS church and I have to admit, there are some things I miss and some things I don't.


Don't Miss:

• 3 hours of church.

• guilt.

• having to worry about what to wear.

• Losing one day a week. Couldn't do anything (it seems) on Sunday

Do Miss:

• Having a reason to visit with women (visiting teaching)

• Being the reason for a visit (visiting teaching)

• Mostly everyone knowing my face AND name.

• Primary Music

• neighbourhood "friends"

I've been thinking about this list for quite awhile, unfortunately, I am not a writer and this is the most we get for now.

insights about me

I had some insights about me that I would like to share.
First off, I'm not a person who really bonds with people. I mean, like a real strong bond. I've never had any "feelings" that one of my friends or close family members needs something - and I'm the one to deliver it.
I don't have any friends from my public school days. I didn't have many "close" friends when I was in elementary school and the friends I made in jr. high and high school have faded into my empty yesterdays. When I went to my 10 year class reunion, I said hello to what were my friends, but was honest enough to not take any contact information. We all knew we wouldn't keep track of each other. If we didn't keep in contact during the last 10 years, why would we do it in the next 10?
I made some friends in college but don't know where any of them are. In fact, I don't think I could even list a first & last name of 10 of them.
I have not felt like I need to mourn loosing family friendships, either. I thought I was friends with some of the Jensens, but don't keep in close contact with any one. Yeah, I know where they all live but don't stive to keep personal contact with them. I think that watching what they do on Facebook or on blogs is knowing a little of who they are.

Second, I don't like being alone. But, I always knew this. I like having lots of people around me. I think it gives me the false sense of belongingness. Like I am close to these people. Maybe they'll like me more.

So why is it that I'm not closely bonded to people, but I like lots of people?
Does it really matter?
These are just a few insights.

I love parties

I love hosting parties and going to parties. I love the buzz of people milling about. When I host a party, I love the fact that my house is so very clean, even if just before the party. I tell Bryan we ought to have people over once a week just so I have a reason to keep it clean.

I'm excited for the Mensa Halloween party tomorrow because, well, it's Halloween and we can do some fun things. I just wish Bry would have asked for a bigger budget......

public ranting

I admit this is a somewhat passive-aggressive way to rant. Why? Cuz I really don't think anyone reads this which is fine with me.

Today was Bryan's nephew's (LDS) baptism. We went to the church and was talking with another nephew when Bryan's mother walked in. She went wayyyy around us. Her husband (Bob) asked where she was going and she replied that she didn't want to interrupt our conversation. I took personal offense at that because it seemed to me that she went wayyyyy out of her way to not even walk by me or say hi to me.

She didn't even say any words to me until several hours later as we were standing in line for food. She said, "Now I can greet people." I asked her what stopped her before. She mentioned something about having to help with the food.

I don't think she likes me anymore. Should this bother me?

Costume sewing

I am having so much fun creating a costume for Ethan. I have loved watching a large piece of fabric cut apart and then sewn into an awesome (if I say so myself) jacket.

I was so excited to find the right shirt that I could alter and make it into exactly what I want.

I must go back to work!

One giant step for Momhood

This morning when I dropped off Evan at school I did a momentous thing. I watching him play for a bit and then when the playground lady came out, I gave him a hug and kiss and then.......... left! You know, went home. (I know, I'm surprised myself).

I don't know if it's because I'm not feeling well or if I know that Evan can handle it without me. At any rate, I fought back the urge to turn around and just watch him. Every morning I have stayed and watched him line up and go into school (all the while fighting back tears). This is a giant step for momhood.

Obsessive parenting - Jr. High style

So, I may be an obsessive parent. I know my kid's locker number AND his locker combination. Today I was helping at the school and they told me he would have his pictures taken for free because I was volunteering. I KNEW his schedule! I went right to his class and pulled him out so he could have his free pictures.

Now, I wasn't going to pay for those pictures, I think that's quite a good little business those "portrait studios" have. Claiming to take "quality photos" of your kids. Well, I was there and let me tell you: if your child is being hearded in and having the picture quickly taken so they can get to the rest of the 500 kids waiting, do you really think that's going to be quality? But, for an hour and half of my time, I'll let them take Ethan's picture so I can give one to the grandparents.

But, back to being obsessive, do you think I ought to show up one day and eat lunch with Ethan or do you think that would be over the edge?

My first blog

First off, I hope no one reads this. Why? Because it really has nothing to say.